Questions?

People should feel free to ask questions if you have any.  I can always say I won’t answer, but I don’t really try to hide much.

Session – May 29

I had session again today – I am needing some extra visits to get going again.  I will go again next week. Someone asked my why I don’t want to try new or different meds.  We have talked about this in session, and it is still an option, but there are other things I want [...]

Depression Session

Session this week was mostly about depression.  I have suffered from depression as far back as I can remember – I did not recognize it, and thought everyone felt that way.  So I learned how to behave like normal people did… at least as closely to it as I could manage.  I did not always [...]

Session – May 24

Yesterday was a very difficult session…  I am feeling very drained, and down today.  Things went well, and I will be going back next week.  There is a lot to do. Basically, I am back where I was over a year ago.  I could already see that, but last evening I saw how far back [...]

Session Today

It’s just after midnight – I had to get up for a bit.  My anxiety is way up, and I am feeling very drained… I have session today for the first time in 3 months.  There is a lot of apprehension about it.  I have been wrestling with the idea of going back, for over [...]

Not Today

I will not go to session today.  I am going to try again Thursday.  Lori can drive me on Thursday – or go with me.  But I am not up to going out today.  At least I have a plan.

Fighting My Brain

I spend a lot of my time fighting my own brain – my thoughts run their own path from dark to abandoned, to total failure.  There are few times when I feel any internal peace – mostly that’s when I am in bed trying to sleep. I have to do something.  I am going to [...]

Crashing Out

I have hit the wall, and the wall won.  I have crashed out… losing my temper, and losing control of my mind.  For months I have been barely holding things together… sometimes not quite making it.  But now I have gone off the deep end. I have not been to session since February.  I have [...]

On Being Normal…

I am not the best person to write about what it is to be “normal”, but I do know about being non-normal.  Everyone has their idiosyncrasies, but I am just plan crazy in some respects.  And if you read along, you have probably picked up on that by now. But sometimes people treat me as [...]

Maybe I Think Too Much

“Why do you have to make everything so complicated?”  Lori asked me last weekend.  And that is a very good question.  The basic answer is simple – because that’s how my brain works.  It always has. The Blog title is the title of a Paul Simon song – look it up.  “I started to think [...]

Depression

Depression has been a big issue all this year.  There have been many weeks long periods when depression has virtually brought me to a stop… and caused frequent backsliding.  It has been made worse by various physical issues, but that’s for another Blog. I have not been going to session – not for over 3 [...]

Upon Returning…

Returning to writing a Blog has had a very bumpy start over the last couple of months.  My office is still about where it was four months ago, but I am trying to spend more time here regardless. It’s hard to explain where my problem really is.  But things have been anything but normal the [...]

BIG Question – ???????

Should I write in my Blog about what is going on in my mind…  or should I not write things that would (could)  hurt others, or rub some people the wrong way? The fact is that one major reason I don’t write is that I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.  Plus I am a [...]

Useless

Most of the time I feel useless.  I can’t do the things I should, or the things I want to do.  I’m not helping much with the house because of my back and knees. Feeling useless is a horrible thing.  Even at my lowest time while teaching, I always at least felt useful.  So things [...]

Newport, Oregon

For our 20th Triple-Witching Weekend, Lori and I went to Newport on the Oregon coast.  We’ve been there before, but have never stayed there together.  We had a great time, and decided we like it better than Seaside where we used to live.  It also takes less than 2 hours to get there from here. [...]

Last 2 Sessions

I have had two sessions in the last month… the first one left me feeling worse, but the next one helped some.  As I have written… I have had a lot of depression the last few months, and the last two months have been pretty much non-stop mental downs.  I have not had any time [...]

Being Alone

I am usually home alone.  Lori travels most of the time, and the last month or so, has been gone most weekends too.  It’s okay, but it has left me alone more than even I am used too. I have been watching my Blog numbers, and I do continue to get a few views each [...]

New Blogs…

I am going to start trying to write Blogs again.  I have been away for several reasons.  First: we have been moving, and my office is still not set up.  I do not even have my desk built yet. That has been mostly because I have been restricted by back and knee pain (mostly).  So [...]

People in the House

I have a very hard time when there are people in the house that I do not know.  These people are putting in our new window blinds… so they are here for us, but I hate it! Okay… the installer is here – seems like a nice guy.  That does not help a lot.  I [...]

Moving… the Hard Part

So what is the hardest part of moving.  I had all sorts of plans, and contingency plans, and all.  I knew some things would be harder, and/or more draining than others.  But I did not suspect what would be the hardest part for me. What hurt the most has having to spend so much of [...]

Long Gone…

I have been long away from Blogging.  Things have been too busy with the move and all… but also I have been taking some time to reevaluate my whole on-line situation.  I am not sure it I have figured anything out yet, but I am feeling enough better to write something anyway  <<— this! I [...]

Disconnected…

I feel disconnected from myself… and from everyone around me.  This recent period of struggle has taken a lot out of me… leaving very little.  I am just not as “sharp” as I should be. My prolonged struggles have left me tired, drained, and empty.  And I just have myself to blame, and to fix [...]

Session Yesterday and Me

Session yesterday was a bit stressful… I was coming from a different direction, so I got a ride, and then tried to run some errands afterwards. Session was good, there was a lot to talk about.  I have been at a high stress level now for a couple of months, and I have not been [...]

In Woodburn…

We are in the new house… but there is still so much to do.  I have been trying to keep up, but it has been a strain. I have been away from Blogging too long, but I have had too many struggles along the way.  I have started a Blog about Session, and where my [...]

Facebook and Me

Well… I have to admit I am stuck with Facebook.  It is my main link to the world much of the time, so I just need to go with its flow, and take what it offers. So I was off for a whole 4 days, and just missed it.  I am still struggling with being [...]